all that i want to say :|

this is an emo post.but its all that i want to say.you may think that i am crazy after reading this post.

i just came back from my 'cousin' 's hse...it was very lively!a lot of people...cos her eldest bro is getting married...congrats!

anyway, these few days, live at home isnt that good... cos my temper not very good too..

but anyway, when i was in their hse, i started observing...their hse was filled with noise,laughter,talking..i started comparing with mine...it was very different.
these few months and days,after watching some 偶像剧 and seeing ppl..i suddenly wish that my family could be a very very close one...
i have my a brother that isnt close to me...we seldom talk...rarely...this is a very sad thing...VERY!
i look at my brother and my relationship and then i look at others...especially my 'cousin' and her brother...they were very close!this made me kind of 羡慕.how i wish!that me and my bro could be close..it seems that we are 有血缘关系的陌生人.my real cousins are in malaysia and then even if i go back and see them,we cant really communicate well..haha..its seems that i can only share secrets or things with my friends..
some ppl will say they always quarrel with their siblings or their siblings will bully them but then i think is better than mine..we dont talk.not exactly but he only talk when he wants to borrow things pr ask me things.this is PATHETIC!:/
its my wish that i could have a very nice brother.ppl say its the age gap.cos we are 8 years apart.but then other people have siblings that are 10 years or maybe even longer years apart.
but still they are close.my mum is pissed with me these few days...i dunno why.maybe its my problem but i dunno.how can i be a better daughter.listen to her?follow all her instructions?ALL?how can i bring the relationship between my bro and i closer?HOW?
I WONDER HOW.
i always wanted a family that is very 幸福 and will 然人羡慕的家庭.
i dont have any talent.i am not good in anything.not in studies,not in sports,and whatever you can think of.i thought God made every single one out becos of a reason?then what is mine?the reason that he made me.i really want to know:(
what can i do?or what am i suppose to do?i am really loss at times.really.